I’ve been single like since forever. I cannot remember when was the last time I had a really serious relationship with anyone. As much as I enjoy being single and carefree, deep down the loneliness at times can get the best of me and I turn into this emotional wreck of a roller coaster. I become this very angry and bitchy person, swearing at every situation possible. I turn to work to forget the miserable non-existent love life I’m having.
People and ‘some’ friends are too quick to judge my single life, telling me I’m too fussy or thinks I’m only out there to get into someone else’s pants. All I want is a no-drama, simple and loving relationship with a man who loves me for who I am including all flaws and bad habits. Is that too much to ask for? Seriously?
There are also ‘certain’ friends who was in the same boat as me, now have boyfriends and too in love to ‘recall’ that we were all single once. That we, the leftover singles don’t exactly need to hear all the lovey dovey stories every single time we’re out. Love indeed makes us all blind, so blind as to not realize that your leftover single friends are cringing with envy.
Have I ever wished it was me who fell in love instead of them? Yes.
Like when I recently returned from vacation, the first thing friends would ask if I had gotten laid. I’m think, do I need to get laid every single time I go for vacation? Okay, I digress. I did wonder if I would have at least gotten into some kind of a fling and of course I didn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I did; circumstance didn’t allow me, well, not entirely. Admittedly, I did have a few opportunities alas I chose not to simply because.
Not to mention my mother, being mother and her superstitious mumbo jumbos. Just last weekend, I was driving to the city with her for some shopping when all of a sudden she said this me, ‘It must be your bed. It’s used. That’s probably why you can’t get a boyfriend. Don’t you have money? If not, I’ll buy you one.’ I nearly drove off the freaking road! My mother is losing it. Seriously!
Yes, it feels heavenly to be in love and to be needed. I have been there once (or twice) but I’ve not been there since. It has been THAT long since I’ve been courted, I can assure you. Therefore, I figure that I’d probably be like a baby learning how to walk when it comes to dating. Quite unnerving when I think about it. Sometimes I just wonder why? Am I not attractive enough? Am I too fat? I’ve seen fat girls with hot boyfriends. If they have that, why can’t I? Do I have ‘JUST FRIENDS’ or ‘SEX ONLY’ written permanently on my forehead?
It feels like I have to compete with other women or younger girls wherever I go. Has dating become a commodity trade? You have this quality. Check. You don’t have this quality. Uncheck. Am I not good enough to be a wife? Am I not dating material? What? Tell me.
I’m friendly. I hang out with the boys. I drink. I burp. I cry when watching sad movies. I get angry if you pissed me off. I fart when I need to. I’m easy going. I have a little ‘drama queen’ personality. Who doesn’t? Everyone is taught to accept the person as he/she is, so why can’t one guy (that’s all I ask for) accept me for who I am?
Maybe, just maybe my superstitious mother is right. Maybe it’s my used bed.
